


Bedside Manner (The Great Ass Remix)

by defeatedbyabridge



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-18
Updated: 2012-04-18
Packaged: 2017-11-03 21:24:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/386114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defeatedbyabridge/pseuds/defeatedbyabridge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCoy still kinda suspects that Jim arranged the whole thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bedside Manner (The Great Ass Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Brenda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brenda/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Bedside Manner](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/7987) by Brenda. 



"Find someone," Jim said, flashing him one of those goddamn annoying smiles. He walked around behind McCoy, making sounds like he was washing his hands at the sink, or possibly just playing boats again with paper napkins. 

McCoy'd come out early one morning to find an entire origami paper napkin society set up with what was apparently a thriving fishing trade, trucks, and some kind of penguin overlord in a throne. Jim'd informed him crankily that it was a pelican, any fool could see that, and if he was going to play with the trucks, they made a 'brrrm-brrrm' noise, not a 'wheezesnort' noise. McCoy had responded by pointedly printing out an information sheet on insomnia and taping it to Jim's forehead while he was eating his Sugar-Os. 

"Bite me."

"At least get laid. It helps, I swear. You're so insanely tense anyone'd think you were going for a jalapeno enema."

"Always with the classy similes, you." McCoy tossed his empty unbreakable cup, which was unfortunately empty of _coffee_ , back over his head. He aimed at the sounds of Jim's snickering. From the sounds of it, Jim just caught it. Asshole. "I like being tense. I get more done."

"If you'd let someone do _you_ , the rest of us'd like you more," Jim wheedled, turning his seat around and plonking down on it next to McCoy's desk. 

McCoy wondered again just when exactly he'd lost his mind, because that had to be the only explanation for agreeing to room with someone who was clearly a people person. 

"Why do I want the rest of you to like me more?" he grumped.

"It has its benefits."

McCoy sighed. "So you're saying I need to have sex for everyone else's good?" 

Jim leaned close, impossibly blue eyes twinkling. "Would you?" 

Asshole.

* * *

It'd been a reasonably slow, unmemorable day at work, right up until a certain starship captain came limping into sickbay. 

McCoy looked up at Chapel, and waved his bunch of padds at her. She was his favourite nurse here. He had a suspicion he wasn't her favourite doctor, though. 

"I'm filling out _paperwork,_ " he said with great relish. She was always after him to do his damn paperwork, and now he was doing his damn paperwork and she wanted to interrupt him? He gave her an injured look. 

"I'll take it for you," she sighed, running a hand through her impeccably straight blonde hair. "You owe me." 

"You already have my undying love and affection," he said, springing to his feet. He started carefully pouring padds into her arms.

"How about something that's _worth_ something?" 

* * *

His momentary good humour evaporated when Chapel explained the situation. He frowned as he made his way over to the guy. Sports injuries were the stupidest of the stupid. 

The fact that the guy was drop dead gorgeous didn't hurt, though. He frowned harder to try to disguise his reaction. Even in grey shorts and a singlet, even in pain and sweaty, he looked good. 

Okay, maybe the sweaty part added to his attractiveness. "What the hell happened to you?" 

The guy shrugged, and indicated his knee. "It's nothing. Springball accident. I'm sure I just need a hypo and I'll be fine." 

Oh. Right. He was one of those. McCoy supposed he should've figured that already, seeing as how the guy was command track. Probably a captain. He gave him a wry, cranky smile. "Oh you do, do you? I guess it's lucky for you that one of us actually has a medical degree." 

"Look, Doctor –" 

McCoy rode right over the top of him. This wasn't a bridge. It was his sickbay -- well, today, between ten and eight, it was his sickbay -- and he reigned supreme. "It's McCoy. Or Bones. And all of you captains and captain wannabes are just alike. Think you're all super-human and phaser fire'll just bounce right off of you. Must eat you up every time you're forced to admit you're as frail and mortal as the next fella." 

He was looking forward to a good fight, except this captain guy laughed. 

He actually laughed.

McCoy glowered at him on principle, wind taken out of his sails, waiting to see what he'd say next. 

"Were you planning on lecturing me to death or actually fixing my knee?" 

Still glowering, and it was one of his best glowers, too, McCoy ran a tricorder over the guy's knee. Torn ACL. Nothing unfixable. He told the guy to move left instead of right, and was rewarded with a grin, and what sounded like a genuinely amiable teasing comment about him being nice.

McCoy yelped a laugh. "Captain, this _is_ me being nice." 

Damn, the way the guy's eyes crinkled with amusement was disturbingly hot. "It's Chris. If you're going to treat me like a first year cadet, we should at least be on a first name basis." 

"Leonard. Since we're being polite and all." 

McCoy found a hairline patella fracture. From Parrises Squares, of all things. He began fixing it up, and being him, he began running his mouth, too. 

"Relax, I haven't played it in years," Chris said hastily. "That fracture, as I'm sure your tricorder will tell you, is at least a decade old. But thanks for caring so much about my well-being. You should at least let me buy you coffee to show my gratitude." 

So the guy had some moves. Nearly as hopeless as Jim, though. Unable to resist some amusement, McCoy folded his arms. "How often does that work?" 

"How often does what work?" 

Innocent look. 

McCoy wasn't quite stupid enough to be fooled by that. He roomed with one Kirk, James T, after all, who was perfectly capable of acts of staggering kindness such as heading out at five thirty a.m. to get pancakes and eggs for breakfast, but was also perfectly capable of acts of staggering jerkitude such as using up all of McCoy's pancake mix and eggs the night before without asking first. 

"That," McCoy waved. "The 24-carat, butter-wouldn't-melt-in-your-mouth charm." 

"Often enough. Should I apologize for flirting?" 

Ouch. Loaded question. McCoy frowned, half wondering why there weren't any other goddamn patients in there right now to distract him from this unnervingly hot, unnervingly smart captain. "You do realize that any way I answer you will make me look like an ass?" 

"So don't. Just say yes." 

"Say yes to what?" 

"Coffee." 

"You're out of your goddamn mind," McCoy stated. 

"That's not a no." And that wasn't a lack of a smirk. No, that was a definite smirk there. "If you're not interested, just tell me." 

McCoy pffted, because seriously? Why wouldn't he let him get a thought out coherently? "I didn't say that. What I meant was –" 

"So you are interested?" 

McCoy threw his hands in the air in frustration. "If I say yes, will you shut up and sit still for five minutes so I can fix your knee?" 

Chris subsided, and watched him far too closely while he did the work. McCoy had a nasty, nasty feeling he was one of those smart people who actually paid attention; far too rare around here. Though it was a nice thought that perhaps he could teach Chris how to use a hypo and not then have Chris try to stab someone with the wrong end five minutes later. 

Smart was sexy, too. 

When he finished, Chris said, "What are you doing Friday, 1900 hours?" 

"I'm off rotation at 1700 hours on Friday, why?" 

"Starfleet Command is throwing its annual Winter Holidays party for all personnel still on Earth. I was wondering if you'd like to be my date." 

No. Oh, c'mon, no, that was ridiculous. Brass parties left McCoy about ready to throttle someone. Well, more than usual. "Sit back down so I can check you for a head injury." 

"I didn't hit my head." 

"You must've if you think I'd do well in a room full of Starfleet brass. I agreed to coffee," said McCoy. Coffee and brass were not the same thing. 

"Exactly," Chris said, who didn't seem to understand this. "And since I've seen the menu, I know there's a banquet followed by a dessert bar that happens to feature a variety of coffees from at least five different planets." 

No. No WAY. "You're a tricky sonofabitch." 

Chris leaned in, voice still amused, playful, but with an undercurrent of seriousness now. "And I intrigue the hell out of you, Doctor." McCoy watched him, didn't speak, but nodded when he thanked him for the treatment.

"You're welcome. Now get the hell out of my Sickbay so I can get some real work done." 

"See you Friday," Chris responded, then strolled away. 

Typical damn captain. Always had to have the last word. 

"He's cute." Chris' voice from his office, where she was shamelessly watching him through the glass. He spared a moment to wonder how long she'd been there. 

Typical nurse. Always had to have the last word. 

No one knew how much doctors suffered except doctors. 

Oh, and he had someone to see after his shift. . .

* * * 

"You're asking if I injured Captain Pike on purpose."

"Yes. No. Maybe."

Jim sighed, and put a hand on his chest. "Would I lie to you?"

"Only when your lips are moving."

Jim poked him in the shoulder. McCoy glowered, but let it settle into a grin, of sorts. 

"I didn't injure him." 

"Good." 

He actually wasn't surprised at that part. Jim was a cocky little asshole but he wasn't an _asshole._ No matter how much good he thought it might do, he wouldn't do that. And besides. Kid couldn't lie worth a damn. Not to _him._ His surprise'd been too real when he'd discovered just who McCoy was going to date. 

Sooooo maybe McCoy had trusted him all along and was asking only to give him grief. Enh. Whatever worked. 

"I didn't even know where you were working today!" 

McCoy nodded. "Also good."

"I totally would've steered him your way if I'd known, though," Jim continued amiably. "I mean, he does have a great ass, and he's hot in an old guy kinda way, and when your mouth is shut you're kinda hot, too."

"Shut up, Jim."

"Oh, and you have a great ass, too, sorry, don't sulk."

"Shut UP, Jim."


End file.
